Burning Man ’07: Weirdness in Whiteouts!

In this one time at burning man by summerburkes0 Comments

September 4, 2007
Black Rock City(ish)

Strange things are afoot at the Circle BM.

The only six people we talked to at all yesterday — including three people from Gate staph who did not hang out Sunday night together — reported the same thing: Two “UFOs” watched the Temple burn.

Oblong and smooth in shape, and totally silent and greyish-black, they were visible first underneath the clouds in the full moon, and then in the smoke from the flames. Indeed, they seemed to be PLAYING in the smoke from the flames, and swooped around like bats, way too close to the fire for any normal “human” plane not to have melted.

This writer didn’t see it, but told them of the similar things we’d seen in our years out here. To be clear: we’re not of the “UFOs are from outer space and they’re going to save us” camp. We always feel we’re “being watched” during Burning Man, especially on the weekends … but we know it’s only the government.

They listen to us, too, all week. We’ve caught more than one narc pretending to be really f-d up and “falling asleep” by our fire barrels, eyes moving under his lids like someone awake and spying. And the “UFOs”? Secret operations in the vast deserts of America and all that. It’s the perfect place for it, after all.

You can’t tell us NASA just landed on the moon and then rolled up the carpets while Nikola Tesla‘s stolen papers sat archived in the CIA halls of blackness somewhere.

A few Burning Dirt Raves ago we saw with our own eyes a group of black-ops helicopters, barely visible in the smoke from the Man — and we weren’t the only ones who saw them. Sounds like a joke now, right, but we didn’t know all the BS about “black helicopters” until AFTER we saw these ones.

Apparently a conspiracy journalist named Jim Keith died (at Burning Man!) for trying to tell people about high-grade military blackops projects and this fake-UFO scam the weapons industries have planned. Or something.

We’ve also been out at the Ranch during setup and looked up at the sky at just the right time to witness three stealth bombers fly underneath a big cloud. Couldn’t hear them at all. That was AWESOME.

The B-52s have already visited us this week, creeping across the sky like fat giant bumblebees. So have the fighter pilots, who busted out with an insanely loud sonic-boom flyover yesterday. Just saying hi.

We’re sure whatever our friends saw at the Temple burn was nothing more than our tax dollars at play, with some new-fangled fireproof flying machine Uncle Sam thought he’d test out and give the pilots a treat at the same time.

Other than that, we still feel crazy from inhaling so much exhaust on Gate Road two nights ago. The time-honored post-burn Exodus whiteout started yesterday afternoon, just in time for us to take the Steal Me truck away from the Black Hole and toward the Gate to collect trash. So we spent a good two hours driving, stopping, driving, stopping etc. in zero-visibility conditions.

This Chronicle photo represents 100% visibility compared to yesterday and last night

This Chronicle photo represents 100% visibility compared to yesterday and last night

The Native Americans believe dust devils out here to be the spirits of ancestors. We enjoy going them one better and saying the dust storms on the Monday and Tuesday after the event are the ancestors’ way of saying now get the fuck out of here.

Whether because of the increased population or the increased cluelessness of same, yesterday’s whiteout felt far more violent and full of intent than any we’ve ever experienced. Electronics going haywire; everyone stuck in the middle of a task and isolated from each other. We’ve all got the Crazy Eyes. We’re praying the ancestors will go easy on us again once all the tourists have left.

It’s clear out now and we just had 10 hours’ sleep, so we’ve got to roll and play desert janitor before the weather kicks up again (maybe). And Uncle Sam, if you’re reading this, we wouldn’t mind another flyover today. We know it’s kind of gross, but our grandfather taught airplane mechanics for the US Navy for 30 years — so in keeping with the ancestor theme, we’re of the opinion that a plane that can break the sound barrier is just about the baddest-ass thing we see out here. Aside from blaaack helicopters & “UFOs”.

This is the type of crap that happens out here that, when you tell people what you heard from trusted sources, even if you’re not the one who saw it, they think you’re nuts … not that our cash-rich US military, who has always lied about its black-ops technological advances, now with a bigger budget than any previous entity on Earth, may have figured out a way to coat flying ships with gold or some other superconductor, thus shielding humans inside from the G-forces that normally occur when piloting zero-gravity machines, like maybe even almost 100 years ago, way back when Tesla was contracting with the US government before he died.

So don’t tell anyone we told you, ok.

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