Duhhhh, where is all the oil, Admiral Thad Allen? We can’t see any … since the media can’t do flyovers or be within 65 feet of anything newsworthy without getting arrested. For journalism. In America. Guess that means there ain’t none! Hyuk!
There’s no possible way it’s all been injected and sprayed with Corexit, leaving it to coagulate at the bottom of the Gulf … to heat up like a lava lamp, bubbling up toxic and possibly radioactive crude for the next few hundred years, right?
And there’s no chance the world’s largest oil-spill cleanup company (owned by Halliburton, BFFs with BP) will eventually profit off this cleanup, which they’re protracting by hiding and ignoring? No way. (Retired) American military officers would never lie to us.
’Secrecy is a vacuum, and nothing fills a vacuum like paranoid speculation.’ – Max Brooks, World War Z
‘Always remember the first rule of conspiracies. Never ascribe to conspiracy that which can be adequately explained by incompetence.’ – anon.
Just a couple questions, Admiral Allen, and then we’ll get off your back:
1) What about all the video of sea floor explosions that others (besides this writer and Gaspo) have witnessed and caught on tape? What are those explosions all about, if the cap “worked”?
2) What about the ruptures in the sea floor surrounding your … uh, BP’s wellhead — some of which existed before the latest “success” with your cap thingy? How are you going to stop up those gashes and craters? According to this link, the “seeps” are “mostly nitrogen and biogenic methane unrelated to leakage” — but … see question #1. Just clue us in, please. Tell us. The American public is smart (or at least tough) enough to take it.
3) Would the shockingly premature removal of cleanup crews, flotels, boom, skimmers, and other equipment from southern Louisiana — and your insistence on pretending the cap worked and the oil is disappeared — be a simple, super-criminal case of BP abandonment? Or do you know something we don’t? In Chernobyl, “evacuation was delayed by the Soviet authorities’ unwillingness to admit the gravity of the incident.”
4) We know from Katrina that you truly care about the Gulf Coast but … Why are you the Incident Commander if you have retired from the Coast Guard?
5) Sorry to belabor the point here, but those ruptures? And the possibility the static-kill, top-kill, and relief wells won’t work? … Got any other ideas on how to seal the ocean floor besides the proven Russian method of detonating some small nuclear devices, in that flammable Corexit-water, with all the poison gas around? Can you lay our fears to rest about that whole nuclear thing? Or … Ok, more lies. ::bends over and grabs ankles::
Apologies for the two-week hiatus, impassioned and cranky readers. Well, not really; we were busy LEAVING HOME because of the Agent Or — er, Corexit … plus, all the conjecture was taking its toll. There’s only so much we can worry and fret out loud, in the absence of any real information from the criminals in charge of the crime scene, or from those governmental and military agencies we pay taxes to protect them — er, us.
Traveling away from New Orleans, we’ve been living in the car in truck stops, with the dog sleeping on the floorboard and every possession stuffed in the back seat and trunk. Car troubles along the way cleared out what was left of the bank account (IRONY). We gave away most of our things, because you can’t keep paying rent on an apartment in the Ninth Ward when you don’t know when you’ll be back, because you don’t want another Corexit headache and spazz attack, EVER.
Call us a wussy reactionary whiny delicate flower if you like — but you wouldn’t, if we had children. If we had kids, you’d congratulate us for protecting our young. But all we have is the dog, and the skeleton-house in New Orleans … and two of those things will suffer serious bodily harm if they breathe more Corexit-crude toxins or play in the poison rain.
Maybe this Oilpocalypse was all just a big accident due to negligence and systemic failure. Maybe there is no evil plan, no man behind the curtain. Who can say. We’re all hoping the relief well works. And that they find some way to seal up all those holes and gashes in the sea floor without harming anyone else. And that they stop spraying Corexit, and let the rest of the crude float to the surface and suck it up with skimmers. Like everybody else in the world does. Successfully.
But they won’t.
Fact: When they stop spraying Corexit and start telling the truth, we (Burners Without Borders, as well as America’s royal ‘we’) can get down to the business of cleaning up. No pun intended.
Specifically, the Cajun Nation should get to the “business” of cleaning up. The “Coonass Navy” oughta be paid very well by the companies behind this disaster — by the spillionaires who greased their Bayous and killed all their fish and crops.
Boots & Coots, and anyone else attached to the Oil-thulhus which poisoned our home and waters, should not be able to collect nary a gold doubloon more. This is destruction and piracy on a massive scale, and will continue to be so, until we hand-wringers can figure out what to really do, really. Really, for real, like good Americans, do something about this. All of us.
We’ve calmed down enough to change our minds (again) about permanently relocating to the expensive, low-lying coastal region of Northern California. Because we want to come back to our Dixie homeland, to bounce to Rusty Lazer every Saturday night at the St. Roch, and vacation in the Bayous until we die old and fishing.
Right now, we would rather be in New Orleans, glistening in the heat, getting that gutted little Fight Club house liveable to where we didn’t have to pay rent on an apartment ever again. Or maybe we’d be tilling the yard, making strides toward that first garden ever, on our very own property by the River — bought, magically, for the price of a gently used car. Amazing.
The American Dream, really. A dark retelling of it, anyway. Not nearly as dark as the stories of the hundreds of thousands of people who live right under those planes, by all that toxic crude, who literally depend on the flora and fauna of the Gulf to make a living.
Actually we were going to plant mustard greens in the whole back yard first, to leach the metals out of the soil. What to do with the metallic greens, once they’d done their remediative magic? Wasn’t sure. Throw them in the River across the street — that was the joke. Of course, we didn’t want to see our favorite River on Earth polluted any more than it already was. That River was our backup plan for if the coming economic-nightmare predictions became a reality — spend our life savings on land with a water source, so we could fish and grow food when tough times called for a return to the simple life. Meanwhile, we’d learn homesteading and DIY green technology (“Cajuneering”) — just because it seemed like what we should be doing with life at this point.
It didn’t even occur to us, this oilpocalypse. Not on the list of possible catastrophes to have to deal with. Crackheads, yes. Hurricanes, yes. Widespread romantic Louisiana decay and lack of infrastructural support, yes. Land that sits below sea level, yes that’s why there’s an attic. We wouldn’t have bought a house without an attic. We wouldn’t have bought a house if it wasn’t right next to the River we grew up playing in, so that we’d always have food and never go hungry.
Our heart wants to believe this was an accident caused by negligence — and made infinitely worse by the little boys who run the crime scene, shoving money under a rug and holding the broken toys behind their backs. Our heart wants to hold the net of light and all that hoo-ha, to wish and pray and make everything better. However, this tiny tinfoil hat we’ve grown hopes to warn people to wake up and see what The Powers That Be might be planning, since they’ve been proven to not give a crap about “the small people.” In the end, we hope the heart takes the tinfoil hat and scrunches it into a ball, both on an individual and a worldwide scale.
But for the moment, reality is living like a refugee in our own country and we are FILLED WITH RIGHTEOUS ANGER.
Um… Fart joke! Smiley face! Enjoy the pain, below!
NOLA.com: Deepwater Horizon Blow-By-Blow infographic
Medical Treatments for Airborne Poisons
Riki Ott: Oilgate! BP and All the President’s Men (Except One) Seek to Contain Truth of Leak in the Gulf
The Oil Drum: What caused the Deepwater Horizon disaster? (super-informative brainy tech-talk and comments; the opposite of our weepy, what-if, worst-case-scenario editorializing)
Day 95 – Is the Gulf Stream broken? / BP tries to buy scientists’ silence
Texas Observer: Backlash grows against BP’s effort to ‘buy up’ Gulf scientists
NOLA.com: Deepwater Horizon rig explosion came from greed
Ochsner: Survey finds 30 percent on Gulf Coast suffer from mental illness in wake of oil spill
New Orleans Mental Help or Louisiana Mental Help to find a mental health and/or substance abuse resource:
MentalHelp.net was originally built by content from Mark Dombeck, Ph.D. and Allan Schwart, Ph.D, clinical psychologists who aggregated countless studies, clinical best practices and research outcomes into an accessible resource for both professionals and individuals seeking help for mental health and substance abuse problems. They have personally written more than 1,500 responses to questions posed by users in the advice column. After the site’s launch in 1999, it quickly turned into a leading authority on behavorial health and has since received more than 40 million visits and a number of notable awards.
To further our mission of helping individuals with substance abuse problems, we have recently launched this comprehensive national directory of inpatient treatment options. In addition to this, we offer treatment advisors to help navigate the process. It has been a monumental undertaking to collect and verify all inpatient programs whether or not they have an online prescense. Scrolling down our page, you will find how extensive the listings we have gathered are. We believe that the end result provides the best Louisiana treatment compilation on the web.
Mother Jones: BP “Carpet Bombed” Gulf with Dispersant
Grist: Reports of BP disaster’s death are greatly exaggerated
Toxicologist: Corexit Blobs in Crab Larvae
Rigzone: Deepwater Horizon – A Firsthand Account
Enough is Enough (bombastic but effective youtube mashup cliffnotes)
BP cleanup workers face “catastrophic” conditions
Shrimp King Dean Blanchard speaks at Grand Isle Town Hall Meeting
Gulf oil spill sea floor leak now confirmed
CNN: Spotters having trouble finding oil? Coast Guard / NOAA reporting only what is on the SURFACE
Nungesser: “Thad Allen went to the BP school of how to deny. He’s in denial.”
Nungesser: “It’s criminal;” “like the Coast Goard is the PR firm for BP”
Corexit Operations Still in Progress: video
WMAZ: Waters that look clear of oil can be deceiving
Cordovan fisherma’am Riki Ott proposes 28th amendment to the Constitution: Separation of corporation and state
Gary Hart: Separation of Corporation and State
Bush DOD “lost” $8,700,000,000 in Iraqi oil revenue
CNN: How the Gulf of Mexico Became the nation’s “toilet bowl”
What BP Could’ve Bought with All the Money They Lost (a visual)
BP photoshopping goes from ‘bad’ to ‘ridiculously bad’
The EPA, OSHA, and NOAA are compromised in the Gulf Oil disaster
NRDC: Deception by Dispersal – The Great Gulf Oil Tragedy
NOLA.com: Coast Guard’s failure to follow its firefighting policy may have contributed to sinking of oil rig
Gulf fishing waters reopened despite lack of testing required by federal protocols
NY Times: Will Bacterial Plague Follow Crude Oil Spill Along Gulf Coast? Scientific American: How Will A Hurricane Affect the Oil Spill?
Breathing Toxic Vapors? Oil residue on an aircraft
NOAA expects busy Atlantic hurricane season
Washington Post: Spilling Over – Venice, LA Faces Extinction
Wikipedia list of ongoing oil spills
China oil spill grows, officials warn of ‘severe threat’
At least six ‘seeps’ found near the Rigel well, southwest of Deepwater Horizon site
House to vote on faux ‘oil spill’ bill
A partial list of products made from petroleum
Beyond Petroleum: Chief Oren speaks
Eye of the Needle: an Indian elder speaks
Defenders of Wildlife: 100 days of disaster; 100 days of action
BP spends money trying to convince us cleanup workers are interracial fun-times tourist dudes having an awesome time wearing Tyvek suits in the Pensacola heat
Let the people vote on offshore drilling: a Florida rally
WDSU: LA residents rally against deepwater drilling ban
Asphalt Volcanism: Tar Volcanoes
Wikipedia on asphalt volcanoes
Bill responding to Gulf of Mexico spill heads to senate floor
LA Times: House approves legislation in response to oil spill
Wikipedia: MV Braer, an oil tanker that ran aground in Scotland in 1993
Gasland exposes a big fracking mess
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