today i started drinking Borax

In oilpocalypse by summerburkes4 Comments

Just a teeny, tiny, tee-niney little pinch in a liter of water every day.

Why not? It’s nature’s little secret, demonized as poison, but actually, good for you.

We already live like refugees. It’s not because of the Oilpocalypse — we just can’t afford to turn the power back on, and we kind of don’t care, so we run a cord from the neighbor’s house so we can have air conditioning and one lamp, so nobody including the Donkey gets overheated. We’re used to this way of life because of Cyclecide and just generally roaming around. Everybody else in our neighborhood is used to it because they are from the Land of Hairycanes, in the City that Care Forgot.

This is not martyrdom; this is re-prioritization. If we’re to evacuate soon, then Entergy gets no more of our money (except what’s given to neighbors for the A/C connection).

Nights are spent in candlelight, with no refrigerator, eating baby carrots and macadamias, charging the computer on the power strip and sitting in the darkness, thunderstruck at the words and images onscreen, crying and calculating and researching and making lists and planning evacuation routes and knowing — KNOWING — as an irritainer, that what you see onstage is a totally different show than what’s going on backstage.

Our backstage: Prepping hair, fur, pantyhose, and mesh to fight the oncoming Apocalypse. Their backstage: Drinking the blood of newborns and hissing at each other during the Reptilian Ball. (Only sort of kidding about the Reptilians thing. Nothing would surprise us at this point.)

Shortly after waking up in the morning and taking off the tinfoil nightcap, this writer knocks back a couple “apocalypse shots”: apple cider vinegar, turmeric, and water; then a little later, greenfood powder and cinnamon in almond milk.

Living in the Lower Ninth Ward, far from grocery stores, subsisting mainly on gas-station fried chicken and red beans and rice, a gal’s gotta make that spendy monthly trip to Wholefoods to acquire her health the Jetsons way. Whoa, it tastes like crap. But now with all the benzene coming in, it’s time to make sure to stay re-upped with all the cancer-fighting stuffs a hillbilly urchin can gather to make disgusting shots out of.

All drinking Borax aside, we bought bottled water for the first time today. Like, ever, besides for camping trips. A Mississippi girl refuses to say it’s bad to swim in the Mississippi River (in the shallow non-currenty parts anyway), and she will always go barefoot by the lake even when there’s broken glass.

We used to drink tap water always, firmly believing in a superhuman immune system, defiantly in favor of the “a little dirt don’t hurt” credo, and thankful for a chance to build up superpowers even more. But now there will be so much benzene in the water table, it’s time to switch to water from someplace else.

Almost all of the water in America is fluoridated, though, just like toothpaste. Which is why we’ve been flossing, rinsing with hydrogen peroxide, and brushing with Dr. Tichenor’s peppermint mouthwash. And drinking Borax. It de-calcifies the pineal gland, apparently. Where your Spidey senses live. And The Force.

In the Apocalypse, it’s important to be fastidious, no matter what. Routine in time of looming tragedy is a comfort, and a clean pineal gland sounds nice. If we go down with the ship, we’re going down as perfect as George Clooney’s hair.

They tried to do a whale’s-mouth type filter contraption at the MacGyver Party this weekend, the idea being to weight the boom down to filter the whole water column in a narrow channel… but we’ll stick with the idea of crab-trap walls and shrimp-trawler “Oil Zambonis.”

Sitting in Waffle House this morning, this writer almost cried when “Freebird” came on the jukebox. An old African-American man sat eating at the counter, wearing a utilitarian work shirt and fancy cowboy hat riding high just like our own magical Grandaddy wore his.

This man had probably started fixing things at 6am, and was going to continue to fix more things until nightfall, and he’d never ever get mad or irritated by anything or anybody, just like our own magical Grandaddy … and then “Freebird” came on the jukebox, and our ironic-generation-self unzipped to reveal the gooey peach-colored mess of actual-Skynrd-loving buck-toothed Southern pipsqueak underneath.

Memories of Mississippi, and railroad tracks, and lightning bugs, and fishing with Mamaw, and rock quarry cannonballs, and majestic Aqua-Net flybacks at the Burger Chef, standing at the jukebox playing “Freebird” so our cousin JoAnn’s cool-kid friends would be impressed …

We grew up over there, just like the people around me grew up here, near the Waffle House, in St. Bernard Parish, Louisiana. Unlike us, many of them never left their place of origin, and never cared to, because nature’s bounty supplied everything they needed. Especially the fishermen. Even when everything they owned went underwater in Katrina, and now that they live next door to the Apocalypse itself, they still don’t want to go. They will stay until the end.

And who is really going to care, because the Apocalypse is where it is, and not in Manhattan? Who’s going to care now, before it spreads to them? Care enough to do something radical, to individually work on putting back all the energy from the oil they took from the Great Mother somehow, karmically or otherwise?

Can we love our cars, knowing this is going on? Can we love our freedom to travel and sit in air conditioning, and still find a way to make our relationship with the world better than even-steven? Can a crazy swamp turd made of llama fur and old pantyhose be a good band-aid as well as a peace offering?

then we went to the Krewe of Dead Pelicans parade downtown. Whenever New Orleans residents feel upset about something, they parade about it. The first mainstream-media pictures of the dead and dying pelicans coincided horrifically/beautifully with the event. When we arrived, the jazz band was playing “I’m gonna lay down my burdens, down by the riverside…”

And now a way of life is dying, and nobody seems to be able to do anything about it. The fishermen’s hands are tied by the Devil who steamrolled them, and they’ve got to get money somehow, even if it is from the Devil, because they’re not going to get any more after this, ever. Just like with the Exxon Valdez, but worse.

Just like the Katrina aftermath, but due to waaaaay more catastrophic and far-reaching human negligence. The feeling of everything-loss, though it’s not fully here yet, is cementing like drilling mud. Spidey sense paranoia says we all could be evacuated and never get to come back, or we should be evacuated for a while, or even if we could come back, most of us wouldn’t want to, because we don’t want cancer.

Have you ever danced down the middle of the street and cried your eyes out at the same time? Everyone in these pictures has now. It feels weird. But good. But bad. Mourn, jazz funeral, mourn.

And even if everything turns out fairly well and we all hold hands and raise up the ghost of Nikola Tesla and ask him how to get enough power for everybody all over the world without making another dent in the environment … BP is winning.

We hope this following paragraph is a tinfoil-hat fantasy, but it seems possible: Halliburton (Dick Cheney’s people) bankrolled the Iraqi and Afghani wars, and continue to profit off of the blood of innocents and brave American soldiers to this day. Halliburton manufactured and installed the Deepwater Horizon casing that blew when they didn’t check to see if there was natural gas invading the supposedly-airtight drilling mud beneath it. Halliburton and BP no doubt have a hand in Nalco’s books, and Nalco makes Corexit, the “Dispersant” from Hell.

If the marshes are all dead, and water covers everything, and a good chunk of Louisiana is wiped out, then that means the border for drilling could be moved closer to shore, after a fight that the Little People lose. And you can strike it rich in the marsh under these fishermens’ boats and shrimps and oysters and bait and pelicans and porpoises and culture and everything, if all the obstacles are gone.

Levee deterioration and sabotage, leading to post-Katrina calamity, followed by egregious neglect in the areas of both people and environment of Southern Louisiana … hmm. Many in the area are beginning to smell a long-term negligence plan which would allow for America to secure another vein to put the needle in. They can only do this if nobody’s around.

They can also come in, evacuate us all, take weapons at gunpoint just like after Katrina-practice, and muscle everyone out so no pesky reporters or citizens can photograph them burying dead seagulls behind the grass on the beach (yes, that happened). Who buys the tents, mess kitchens, uniforms, weapons, vehicles, hazmat materials, and so on for the disaster capitalism workers to use once they get here? Halliburton. Who sells this stuff to Halliburton? … we’re guessing Halliburton.

Since the Spidey senses are talking, here’s a magically obvious prediction: If a hurricane blows our house apart a few months after BP’s oil killed the marsh, or next year or the next, when the Gulf is a vast anoxic wasteland where only thieves and starving die-hards remain … then it’s not BP’s fault we lost our castle, our once and future home, our retirement plan. It was just a particularly powerful hurricane that somehow encountered no grass-and-tree resistance on its long heavy slide into home, so BP is not liable. Right? Just a guess.

The woman who organized the Krewe of Dead Pelicans stopped the parade at Gallier Hall and called for 11 minutes of silence, one for each of the 11 men who lost their lives in the Deepwater Horizon explosion. What an uncomfortable, intense 11 minutes it was. Have you ever paraded and then stopped to stand still and mourn with 300 strangers in the middle of the street? This was a day of firsts.

The fellows in charge of the mess are throwing all the best math and machines at it in an effort to stop the flow — rather, ideally, to divert the flow into a container to go make money off refining it. Bless them; bless the scientists, engineers, welders, cleanup crew, universities, boat captains, pilots, preachers, advocates for alternative solutions, BP employees sticking with their jobs in crisis and doing their level best, and Corexit-covered fishermen with no fish. Please protect them from harm; please let Corexit be banned for real, and let those responsible for deploying it be held financially accountable for mass poisoning of a fragile and delicate ecosystem. For a long, long time.

Then, please Lord and Freya, Buddha Jesus Mohammed Kali Hubbard Mother Ocean Father Sky and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, please let us start to clean up this mess for real, even as the black blood still streams out from the deep, out into the watery circulatory systems of the Earth. Please protect the animules and fishies, tell the birds to fly the other way, whisper to the plankton not to eat the brown acid, and command the Kraken to awaken and swallow up the spillionaires in charge. On video.

for whom the bell tolls

Nobody at the Waffle House was talking about the oil gusher which originates 120 miles away from us, flooshing out into the dark waters 2.5 miles below the ocean’s surface. The oil-cano is being immediately injected on the ocean floor with Corexit to hide BP’s problems, and now the existence of the oil is being denied.

The EPA commanded BP to stop using Corexit, and BP basically gave them the middle finger, and for some reason they are getting away with it, even though this is supposed to be America, where the people tell the companies what to do, and not the other way around. And this Corexit thing is going to be to the detriment of Louisiana, the Gulf Coast, and the whole planet.

Instead, they should be sprinkling Toxy Trap and other bio-remediation miracle-dusts in those planes — not only would fishermen NOT keep getting sent to the hospital from inhaling the cancerous fumes … the oil they’re breathing in would actually be transformed and absorbed into their bodies as nourishment.

The Toxy Trap, if the reports are real, would sit on the surface of the oil, which should be floating to the top in giant blobs, were it not for the Dispersant (which coagulates) of Death. Toxy Trap, made of spores that settled inside dead diatoms in an ancient freshwater lakebed covered in volcanic ash, EATS HYDROCARBONS and turns them into fatty acids.

That is to say, Toxy Trap turns crude oil into fish food.

Yep. They had been in negotiations with BP, but the government dragged its feet, and now they’re out of the BP cleanup picture. Not sure why. Oil-eating, fish-food-making microbes vs. coagulating “dispersants” composed of petroleum products and cancer … are we seeing a David-and-Goliath pattern emerging here? Or Neo and the Red Pill Takers vs. the Machines? …

And now the US Coast Guard is participating in the same sham-tastic theater the BP goons have been. We have a report straight from the horse’s mouth that National Guard who have been mobilized to “help” in this disaster have mainly just been sitting around base, bored off their asses. NOT DOING SHIT. The words “total sham” were used. By the National Guardsman in question. How could the world’s potentially biggest catastrophe contain SO MUCH EXTRA FAIL? Unless they’re letting everything get more messed up on purpose?

We don’t hear much about the oil spill much at all. Not when we’re out and about in New Orleans. It’s like a constant funeral afterparty where nobody wants to be the first one to mention the person who died.

Everyone is so broken from Katrina already that they just don’t want to think about it. The second time you get raped, you just lay there, right? We’ve got to respect that, and keep our trap shut at parties, to protect everyone’s nerves from fraying worse. But it’s hard, when it’s about time for angry mobs with torches to start gathering in the streets and lighting hair and pantyhose on fire.

We can protect the marshes, still, if we’re vigilant. Well, we can protect some of them, not all of them, and we’d all have to act fast to save them. Getting oil out of the marsh vs. off the beach is like extracting gum from your hair instead of your skin. THERE IS NO GETTING OIL OUT OF THE MARSH ONCE IT’S IN THERE.

But first, this being America, you’ve got to flex your constitutional rights to free speech, peaceable assembly, and sprinkling magic Cajun Pixie Dust on oily pelicans so they can eat off the fatty acids and clean their own innards that way and eat themselves back to health.

We want to live in this miracle world. Apologies but this point bears repeating: Let’s all write to the people in charge and say what our miracle world will be like. People keep asking what they can do to help from afar, and that is it. Envision your miracle world, put it into words in an email, and send it to the people who need to hear about it.

Keep in mind our founding fathers and mothers will be spinning in their graves if we roll over and play dead about this. Keep in mind your magical grandaddy, who fought in a war and never complained about it, and make him proud you actually stood up and fought for the world you want to live in. Just like he did.

A friend’s grandfather drank Borax too, BTW. He fought in wars, was a tough mofo and lived a long time.

Follow Summer Burkes on Twitter.


  1. Its fun, not until I left the military did I really begin to see the reality of my life here on Big-blue. A lot of false advertising been going on and its good to see I aint the only one to see it!

    Cheers and Yahweh bless!

  2. HI there.
    I’m the founder creator and admin for the Krewe of Dead Pelicans. Thanks for your excellent comments. Just wanted to say hi. Friend me on Facebook and join Krewe of Dead Pelicans II. Next time I go off half cocked and do some insane project, I can invite you directly. I am am artist, too and an involved with art spill protest projects all the way to London. Me and my friends ar not afraid to talk about the Gulf Oil Spill Aftermath.

  3. Thanks for telling it like it is. We who live far away don’t ever get the real information, unless you who live there tell us. So sad. Sending love & healing even now, years later.

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