Heavy Metal Blood Soup

In oilpocalypse, recipes, diy medicinals, food science by summerburkes1 Comment

… a delicious food-science recipe for Metals, Corexit, VOC, CFC, or Hydrocarbon Poisoning.

Here’s a solution. It’s time to be solution-based, even if we are only solution-based in tiny increments because everyone is so overwhelmed right now it’s hard for a lot of us to lift our heads up to concentrate on anything other than thoughts of survival. So as a way to make yourself feel less helpless, you can make borscht. Specifically, slightly modified borscht which smites carbon-based invaders and bludgeons toxins with Thor’s mighty hammer of healthy-soup doom.

Toxins which, say, might be floating all around you in the air, and churning and roiling in large bodies of water near where you live, with the sea breezes carrying cancer and the rain burning your plants. If you’re gonna be in that muck — or if you’re a metalworker, oil-field worker, industrial-solvent-breather, gas-station employee, or fisherman anywhere — you’re going to have to clean as you go, inside your own beautiful meatsack. You can’t fight injustice if you’re all poisoned up and incapacitated on the couch.

photo by Jane Fulton Alt

We are battling a toxic, radioactive rupture from deep beneath the ocean, enduring poisonous gases sprayed by our own government to cover it up, and peaceably resisting the total destruction of our home planet at the hands of the Dark Side. That’s SO METAL

First, after you check out the rest of Jane Fulton Alt‘s photos, google to make borscht. Heavy Metal Blood Soup is kinda like borscht, but hot. Or cold, if you want.

Change any “one clove of garlic” nonsense into “a head of garlic,” and ramp up the onion dosage if you’re into that sort of thing, for medicine’s sake. Use sesame oil instead of butter to saute the vegetables, because in ancient Indian (Ayurvedic) medicine, sesame is a stress-reducing, delivery-system super-oil which brings nutrients to the body.

Here are the ingredients for Heavy Metal Blood Soup. It bears its majestic recipe-name not just because it’s good for your blood and removes heavy metals and carcinogens, but also because it sounds all tough-like, so kids will think it’s cool enough to eat, even though it contains mostly vegetables.

Three beets –
Two big carrots –
One parsnip –
Half a head of cabbage –
One onion –
Garlic –
Cilantro –
Black pepper –
Cayenne –
Sesame oil –
Raw (Bragg’s brand) apple cider vinegar –
Chlorella / spirulina drink or tablets on the side –

use red cabbage instead of white to make it look even more bloody, buddy

The cilantro makes the Blood Soup taste less like borscht and more Mexcian or Vietnamese. The apple cider vinegar needs to be RAW, made from the first juicing — meaning, they squish the apples the first time, and make raw apple cider vinegar with it. The second squishing is apple juice, and the third-squish leftovers become cheap vinegar. So it’s important to make a habit of using the good stuff — Hippocrates, the Father of Medicine, took it every day. Two daily swigs of apple cider vinegar can work towards curing so many things, and can change your family’s health so profoundly, it’s worth researching: start here and here.

Hydrocarbon ingestion really does a number on the body’s digestion. You can even get a leaky gut. After long-term exposure, the biofilm in your intestines will cause you to develop food allergies. Undigested proteins are going to go into your liver and irritate it, when it already has enough to do.

Prebiotic fibers like the ones in this soup recipe help build back that biofilm. Avoid other intoxicants, especially alcohol (we know, but if you’re in the Corexit cloud, this is important). Hellishly intense elimination-diet programs such as the ones laid out in the book Healing with Whole Foods are a last-ditch effort at figuring out what’s up in your gut — they’ll help you discern what foods you may be allergic to, and they also decrease your gut’s inflammation and fluff up your liver. Anyways.

Most people don’t know how to eat beets, including our Momma, but this is a good way to learn. Be brave and do it. Ditto with the garlic and onions. We loathe onions, believing them to be the Devil’s Fruit because of the terrible headaches they give us, but in the spirit of Heavy Metal Blood Soup as medicine, we asked a friend to chop and sautee them while we sat outside. We’re so metal, we ate the soup with the onions in it. We’re fine, though our breath is … metal.

Attention America: Health food is the new candy! (or something)

The black pepper greatly magnifies the healing properties of cilantro, so don’t forget it. Also important: When the cilantro gets to work jarring loose the metals and hydrocarbons in your system, they float around in your body and eventually re-settle unless there’s another henchman there whose job it is to grab the poison and send it packing out the poop chute. That’s why it’s imperative to supplement this meal with chlorella and/or spirulina.

If you’re a welder / metalworker / oil field worker / Gulf Coast resident / Michigan-spill sufferer, you should apparently be taking chlorella and/or spirulina on the daily. If you can’t afford that, then for this meal, get one green smoothie drink from the sto’ and make errrbody take a sip.

Alternately, if you’re a brave soul with a blender or a juicer, you might consider making this concoction into a Heavy Metal Gazpacho, or a cold, raw juice drink. We know, we know — garlic and onion juice thing, bleh, but people drink whiskey and tequila to each other’s health all the time, right? (No you may NOT put vodka in the Heavy Metal Blood Shot. Wait at least half an hour before boozing, so your body has a chance, yeesh…)

So maybe just beets and carrots with cilantro, chlorella, cayenne, and black pepper in the juice drink, then. You are what you eat, and there’s a reason hippies are all hyperactive and happy all the time. Raw foods are the most efficient at pulling everything out.

And hey, what if you brought this recipe to your local smoothie cafe and asked them to run a Heavy Metal Blood Shot drink special benefitting some Gulf charity, like the Coastal Heritage Society of Louisiana or Project Gulf Impact? ( … or whoever … those are but two of the orgs on the ground in this Oilpocalypse which we can personally vouch for… ’cause F the Red Cross.)

and that’s what we’re talkin bout. Bonus: no vampires

Heavy Metal Blood Soup is medicinal, so it’s best eaten with no other foodstuffs. But your jobless oil-workin’ hubby and cranky beach-less kids might be more likely to eat the borscht with a dollop of sour cream on top and some thick brown protein-bread toast on the side. No white bread — not with this meal, at least — it’ll gum up the works. Let the food do its job.

Indeed, you or your Coonass fisherman husband may balk at any meal plan not involving the seared flesh of domesticated animals — so put a ham hock in the soup if you must, and serve some grilled andouille on the side if you like, but be aware that medicinal soups probably work better with no dead-thing juice.

Speaking of which — NO SODA. Or diet soda. See the links below on asparatame and high fructose corn syrup. If you’re in range of the BP / Halliburton / American governmental disaster in the Gulf, or the Michigan one, or Nigeria or Alaska or China… damn… it’s time to get as healthy as possible, so your body can fight off invaders on that small but important scale, while you fight for your homeland and the health of the planet. (We ain’t no saint; believe me we eat our weight in ice cream — we’re kinda pep-talking to ourself here, so thanks for listening)

ATTENTION: For maximum health, while making Heavy Metal Blood Soup, listen to Black Sabbath at a very loud volume. May we recommend starting with “WAR PIGS”:

And remember, people get sick from stress. Really sick. Find a way to let something go, every day, and look forward to the world you want to live in.

-thanks to AG Keller for being the hot-chick, plants-and-medicine Yoda.-


Chlorella – A Potent Superfood

Health benefits of cabbage

Medicinal Uses of Carrots

Amazing healing power of cayenne pepper (1/2 tsp in water stops a heart attack or a stroke instantly! crazy huh)

The Natural Healing Powers of Garlic

Spirulina shown to prevent and treat cancers while boosting immune system function

Sim simma.

Coastal Heritage Society: Kindra Arnesen Speaks about Rainwater Poisoning

Video: The BP “Gulf Syndrome” – Benzene and Corexit Poisoning

LSU Prof. Andy Nyman: The effects of COREXIT on marine life … and part 2

Corexit 9500: A collection of articles

NOLA.com: Mississippi River pours as much dispersant into the Gulf of Mexico as BP

How to create a food storage supply for as little as $5 per week

Plants for a Future: 7000 Edible, Medicinal & Useful Plants

Asparatame Update

yesssss my pritty pritty, eat it allllll…

What’s wrong with high-fructose corn syrup?

BBC News: GM plants ‘established in the wild’

Chuck Cirino: How marijuana became illegal

Khalil Gibran on Joy and Sorrow

you is what you done ett

Follow Summer Burkes on Twitter.


  1. I cook for our rescued dogs/pets. Spirulina is great for pets that have been fed poorly. You can see them regain their vitality.

    Please neuter your pets and save a pets life

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