Burning Man ’07: This is a work channel

In this one time at burning man by summerburkesLeave a Comment

Dust storms start around 4 again on Tuesday, and don’t abate all night.

Radio transmission on Gate channel we recorded right before the storm:

“Gate, Gate. There’s a massive storm swell mounting in the West that’s definitely coming straight for us.” *click*
“Heh. Heh. You just said ‘massive’ and ‘mounting’ in the same sentence.” *click*
“Don’t forget ‘swell’.” *click*
(sound of rubbing — or masturbating — with radio in hand) *click*

“Check out the red moon.” *click*
“Christians say that means it’s the end of the world.” *click*
“What’s that sailor’s saying?” *click*
“Red sun at morning, sailors take warning – red sun at night, sailor’s delight…Nothing to do with the moon at all. You’re fucked.” *click*
“Does the Bible say anything about raining mud?” *click*
(more rubbing) *click*
“This is a work channel!” *click*
(more rubbing) *click*

Aristotle raised Moses and this writer on the radio to go get something in the Steal Me truck before anyone else did: Many, many pieces of expensive plywood and 2x4s. Late-goers tearing down their camps after the big communal burn barrels have been transpo’d back to the Ranch drop their unwanted wood off to burn at the base of the Man, where remnants of the giant tree trunks still smoldered. There was to be a scrap burn that night, just to get rid of wood that’s easier to make disappear with fire than cart to a landfill …

In this post-Katrina world, it’s hard not to find it offensive that so many resources go to waste out here. But at least we’re not as wasteful as those involved in the stage and screen. Half the camps our LA friends lived in were made of dumpstered materials from movie studios.

Anyway, our slapdash wood-saving environmentalism was rewarded with not one but TWO spendy flats of plywood covered in gender-equal, relatively tasteful pornography.

Next year at Gate, there will be a porn shack.


Conversation between Gate staff at the commiscary:
Kristy: “We’ve got too much beer.”
Entropy: “There’s no such thing as too much beer.”
Me: “Yes there is, if it’s shitty Republican beer. Coors, Coors Lite, Bud Lite …”
Matty: “Give it to the DPW. They’ll drink anything. They’re all butt-ugly and they need to drink a lot so they can have sex with each other.”


Q: Why don’t they let Bunnies fight in Thunderdome?
A: Two bunnies enter, six bunnies leave … (thank you we’ll be here all week)


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